January

-I exist to conquer. I am persistent. I will not fail.-

I came into January on a high. I was so excited for a brand new year and all the potential it held. I hit the ground running. Then last week I came to a crashing hault. And when I say a crashing hault I mean I crashed into a wall, fell off a cliff, and was chased down by a bear. It was absolutely awful. Some issues with the divorce and issues with Kenedee came up and I didn't realize they were going to be such big triggers. I found myself falling deep into depression. I felt like anything and everything I did was hopeless. I felt like there was no point on trying to be a good mom because K would always hate me because of the divorce. I was so upset that 10 years ago I was taking anatomy and physiology in preparation for nursing school and here I am 10 years later retaking the same class, once again getting my classes in order for nursing school. It's so frustrating to think that I have "wasted" 10 years working as a paramedic with a useless Bachelor's degree in emergency services. A job that is so stressful and pays as little as a hamburger flipper at McDonald's. The list goes on and on. The more I thought about how things could be, or should be, I found myself more and more unhappy. It was a horrible slippery slope. I didn't know how I was going to get out of being so down and that made me feel even more hopeless. Then... it snowed! I am so grateful for the snow. Kenedee's school was canceled, my school was canceled, and I didn't have to work. This meant I had the week with Kenedee, with nowhere to go and no responsibilities. It was just what we needed. Kenedee wasn't the biggest fan of the snow(don't let that face fool you). She hated being cold, but it was still so amazing to be able to sit at home and watch the snow pile up in our front yard and cuddle up together.

January was definitely filled with ups and a lot of downs. But I am grateful for my trials and I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with Kenedee!


JANUARY

-Kenedee officially started dance class and she loves it!

-Kenedee had surgery and did amazing!(more on that later)

-Kenedee and I were able to have the perfect New Year's Eve together. We ate dinner at my friend's family restaurant and then we came home and did face masks, made cookies, and cuddled.

-Thomas came home!
-I set some very specific goals for myself and set up a budget!
-After 6 years, I started school again!