Christmas this year is going to look a little different. This year there won't be mounds of gifts under the tree. This year no one bought me pajamas for Christmas Eve, instead I will wear black work pants and duty boots. Kenedee will open her pajamas and for the first time in her life I will leave and go to work. I won't be there to kiss her goodnight as she nods off into dream land waiting for Santa to come. This year I wasn't able to go "all out" and buy way too many gifts for Kenedee. This year I had to calculate exactly how much I could spend and unfortunately put back most of the things I wanted to buy her. This year I am not going to be surrounded by family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. This year I wasn't able to buy neighbor gifts, or even spoil my nieces and nephew. I wasn't able to send large packages to Utah with goodies for my family. This year I wasn't able to buy gifts for each one of my friends.
However, even though this is going to be a hard Christmas to get through, Kenedee and I have been blessed more than I could ever imagine. I may not be able to be with Kenedee Christmas Eve, but she is lucky enough to have a dad who loves her so much and she will get to sleep in her own bed with her dog sleeping underneath the bed to protect her. I am so blessed to have the chance to leave work early so I can come home early and get everything ready for Kenedee to come over. I could go on and on about how different this year is going to be.
But, I am not going to let the stress and struggles we face overtake this Christmas Season. This year I get to spend the entire day with Kenedee. I am healthy and alive and have the most precious 4 year old angel who is also healthy. There are many families who don't get that same opportunity. This year I get to spend time with my best friend and her sweet family. Over the past year I have lost many friends along the way. I have come to realize who my true friends are, the ones that stand by me and sometimes even hold me up. I get to sit on the floor and read the true Christmas story with Kenedee while we play with our nativity. This year I don't have to worry about cleaning the house or cooking a large meal to prepare for guests to come over. Instead, I get to mess up the kitchen making Kenedee's favorite foods, pancakes and chocolate chip cookies. I can't wait to spend the day with my babe. When everything seems to be falling apart she wraps her arms around my neck and makes everything ok. I am excited to start new traditions, just for the two of us.
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