Enjoying the journey

My whole life I thought you needed to work out to be skinny. That  "skinny" was the whole goal and point of working out. I would run and diet and run some more. I would see some results but I still had an internal struggle with self confidence. No matter what the scale said I wasn't happy with what I saw in the mirror. For a long time I had an awful relationship with food. I wouldn't eat anything and then when I was upset I would eat everything in sight. I would make unrealistic weight loss goals and beat myself up when I couldn't obtain those goals. I grew up in a household where exercise/physical fitness was not a priority. However, there was still an expectation of keeping your weight under control. So I was never given the proper tools to learn how to take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. I never learned how to properly eat, work out, and more importantly why it's all so very important! After I had Kenedee I struggled to lose the weight I had gained while I was pregnant, this was particularly a struggle while I was also dealing with postpartum depression. So when K was just a few months old, 4 years ago, I joined a gym. Not just any gym. One of those big scary corporate kind. The kind where the men grunt, scream and throw weights. The kind where girls have bigger muscles than some men and only wear a bra to work out in. Let me tell you one thing. I was scared to death! And let's be honest I did a pretty good job of hiding in the "women's only" area for a long time. However, over the past few years (and with the help of good friends and inspiring women) I have busted out of that "women's only" area and I am rocking this whole damn place! Ok not really, but I am sure trying! I have tried to be more conscious of what I eat and if I get stressed or upset I head to the gym instead of the donut shop. I love seeing improvements; muscles gaining definition, losing weight, passing personal records and more! I have realized that working out is so much more than reaching an end goal. I have learned it’s about learning to love the journey. That it’s the small moments where you push yourself harder than before that make all the difference. I have also seen a huge improvement in my mood. I never thought that physical fitness could have such a positive effect on your mental health. There have been so many skeptics along the way, family members, friends, co-workers and even strangers. I swear I've heard it all. "You are wasting your time." "You will never be able to do that." "Lifting weights are only for men." "You're losing your feminine figure." It has been so hard to shut out all those negative comments. But let me tell you what, I know it makes a difference.  I know that the girl on the right is fighting like hell to survive, but she's happy.

I also know that Kenedee is always watching. She loves going to the gym, and on the days where I am not feeling it she kicks my butt and gets us to the gym. She loves to ask questions and will ask why I workout, what kind of exercises I did that day, and she'll ask to see my muscles. She loves to show off her own muscles and it is so sweet to watch her love her own body and see what it is capable of. I am so excited to continue this journey and see what 2018 has in store for me.