8 years ago

*I originally wrote this post while I was in Las Vegas*

8 years ago I was in this same spot, same city, same resort, same pool. So much has happened in those 8 years. I married a wonderful man, for time and all eternity. We started our lives together, thinking we had it all. We went to school, had good jobs with good benefits, had a nice place to live, we traveled, and we enjoyed time with our friends and family. We went on many different adventures together. We decided to take on the biggest adventure thus far in our lives and move across the country. We moved to a place that Chris knew and loved, somewhere very scary and new to me. Chris lived out his dreams and worked as a police officer. We got pregnant and 5 years ago had the most beautiful baby girl. I worked as a paramedic while learning how to be a mom and wife. It was a good life. This past year it has been so easy to focus on the negative and hold onto the hatred and bitterness. It has been so much easier to be angry, rather than forgive. It has been easy to forget that our marriage brought about the most important person in my life. That there were good times, happy times and so many adventures we had just the three of us.

I am a little bit stubborn.......I know that's hard to believe! Someone very dear to me has had to remind me, that at one point in my life I saw something good in Chris and loved him. That there was a time when I was happy with him. That I made the decision to marry him and start a life with him. I never thought of it that way and it took someone else reminding me of that decision and choice I made. I have had to be reminded of this multiple times, but I think for the first time tonight I have found peace and understanding in that. That 8 years ago we spent a week at this same resort on our honeymoon. Now 8 years later I am officially divorced, bringing my precious 5 year old to a place where her dad and I started our lives together as husband and wife. I may no longer be Mrs. Dixon, but Chris Dixon will forever be Kenedee's dad, nothing will change that. It has been a hard road......a very rough, bumpy, hard road. But it has led me to a place I could have never imagined. It has taught me so much about the things that are important to me. It has shown me what I am capable of, it has strengthened my relationship with my friends and family, it has allowed me to pursue my dreams and allowed me to make new ones! It brought me to a place I never would have moved to on my own. North Carolina has become my home and I can't imagine being anywhere else.

So, I think this is the perfect place to start a new chapter. A new beginning. A fresh start where I can move on and forgive. A place where I can let go and believe in love again. A place where I can let go of fear of what the future will hold. Instead "believe in the magic of beginnings."