A change in status. Part 1: The hard stuff

*This is not meant to be a pity post, I hope you've realized by now I use this space to vent and share. I will not apologize for my views or opinions. If you are looking for a "Happily Ever After" post then ask Cinderella her story, I'm still working on mine*

Last year not only did I change my relationship status from married to separated/single, I changed my financial status from being financially stable to living from paycheck to paycheck. I remember always wishing I had more money. I dreamed of all the opportunities that would open up if I just had a little more money. We weren't rich, but I have definitely realized how blessed and well off we were. We had a beautiful 3 bedroom/2 bath apartment, two nice cars, we traveled when we wanted, and bought pretty much anything we wanted. I spent money on make-up, endless clothes for Kenedee, tanning, getting my nails done, eating out, and mindless trips to Target buying who knows what. We had two incomes and we were able to work opposite rotations so we didn't have to pay for childcare. We were lucky enough to always have one of us home with Kenedee, never worrying about who would watch her or where she would spend the night. I knew it was going to be tough when I moved out on my own, but I don't think I quite understood how hard it was going to be. Reality hit me when I was standing in line waiting to talk to someone about food stamps, I couldn't believe what she told me. She told me I made too much money and that if I happened to quit or lose my job that I could come back and receive assistance. It didn't make sense to me, I work 40+ hours a week, I am trying to go back to school and I have a 4 year old and receive no child support or spousal support. I felt like if I could just have a little help I could get through this. After getting turned down for assistance, I was also turned down for any financial aid from school because I was only taking one class. I knew I had to figure something out and now I had no one else to blame when it came to finances and no one else to rely on to assist with the household income. It has been hard, so very hard. I completely cut down all my spending. I was barely able to cover my bills, and some months I wasn't even able to do that. One month I had my power cut off and I remember struggling trying to figure out how I would find enough money to get the power turned back on. I felt like a complete failure. However, through all the stress and heartache we have been able to make it every month. There were weeks where my bank account said $0.00, but we had what we needed.

It has been so hard to change my perspective on want vs. need. I have had to simplify my life and I have had to learn to accept help. I was always the one that would help with babysitting, making meals, or donating money. I have had to learn it's ok to ask for help and accept help. I have learned that life is truly about seasons, that we will all have times in our life where we have everything together and we are in a position where we can help those around us. Then there are times where crap hits the fan and you have to learn to accept help. 

I have been so very blessed to have everything I could want or need my whole life. There is something about hitting rock bottom that truly changes your perspective on everything. It has been a work in progress, but I have been working on budgeting and managing my money more carefully. I have been trying to make plans for our future and save a little at a time. But, now that I have hit rock bottom(and honestly stayed there for a little while) I know what I need to do to make sure that doesn't happen again. I have slowly been able to get back on my feet. I know that I am probably going to get knocked down again, but I know I can get back up. After all, I am the heroine of this story. :)